Whey-hey-hey! ...

Dudes! Babes! I'm back!

Okay, so no-one will give a shit, except me, but here it is! The triumphant return of the Trust Tyler blog. Let the bells ring out! Let everyone worship the greatness that is Tyler!

So, how's it all been? How's it been hanging? How are ... Oh god, I've lost all my buddies!!!! Weep ... Cry ... Barf ...

Ya see, the thing is... Shit happened. I'm not going into details here, but a certain person from a little while ago, went a bit mental and started all sorts of shit that was completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong! I don't hate her, however, I don't really place her on my "Ooh, she's a nice person" list. She did some accusing stuff, that was completely not. Ya know ... Not ... Not me, not the kind of thing I'd do, not the kind of person I am, just NOT!

Anyways, I think it's a far enough difference to be able to consider my blogging again ... Sooooooooo, look forward to some more bollocks from me and if you don't, tough, cos it's coming ... Be afraid ... Be very afraid!

Hooray, Hooray, It's a holi-holiday!

Hello and welcome to a very, very late edition of Tyler's blog. I could quite easily say I've been busy, but I haven't been particularly busy at all, to be honest. I just haven't got around to blogging. I have missed this though. The ability to lay my thoughts down, to masochistically exhibit myself in the wider world. I've just got a little time to myself to do a little work and to fiddle around on the net for an hour or two while Ass-Lady (yes, we are still together) spends some time with her daughter.

Filling in ... I have a regular 4 night gig as a DJ now and, I have to say, over the holiday period it has been frantic! I had the gig for thursdays and sundays but their regular friday/saturday guy left and I was dropped in to do one of the busiest fridays they have. A one in the afternoon to one in the morning shift that was exhausting. I pulled it off, though, with great aplomb and relish and proved to them that I should have been there from the very beginning. As always, you can't tell people something, they have to learn it themselves. Now I have to go through the rigorous duty of building the clientelle back up after the previous DJ's lost them. I've already been told, time and again, that I am the best DJ they have had since Hairy and Boy Toy left. I did tell them this when I first went for the job, but they stuck with the bad ones and lost many a customer because of them.

Thanks to Ass-Lady, the regular October depression didn't hit as hard this year. Regular (?!) readers will know that October is a very bad time for me, but Ass-Lady was a rock in a stormy sea for me this year. We have our arguments and, boy, are they doozies! Yet we are still together and I haven't cheated on her at all. I have been very honest with her about my past and she has a tendency to be jealous, but all I can do is assure her that I will never be unfaithful with anybody ever again, let alone her. Time will tell.

I'll try and post again, in less than a three month gap hopefully. In the meantime, look after yourselves, have a great holiday and down with all advertising comments!

Time to myself ...

Wow! It's almost a month since I last blogged! Terribly sorry for anybody that enjoyed reading the exploits of an old, bald, barman, but I've pretty much been occupied with Ass-Lady. As I'm sure you have already presumed.

To be quite honest, not very much has happened in the intervening time. I have started DJ-ing in various locations and I think I may have my first residency. It's in a bar in a town some thirty minutes from home, it doesn't pay too well, but it is great experience. I've been geting some great feedback about my work and I'm very happy with how things are going with the whole DJ thing.

Things with Ass-Lady and I are going very well and, as previously reported, the sex is absolutely awesome. She does have a slight tendency to be a bit jealous, but I just have to keep telling her that I don't cheat anymore. Cheating sucks and someone, not necessarily the person you think, always gets hurt. I just keep telling her that if I did find someone else, then I would rather finish things with her than cheat on her. But, to be honest, I would be an idiot to cheat on her and lose what I have with her right now. If, in the future, things start breaking down between us, I would finish with her, rather than cheat on her. It's how I would expect to be treated and it's how I expect myself to treat others.

Boobs McGinty and SmileyGirl have pretty much stopped talking to me because I am seeing a lot of Ass-Lady. As my parents were want to say, they will need me before I need them. I have been told by a number of mutual aquaintances that they are both a bit jealous of Ass-Lady.

Stallion has come back for good, from working abroad, and has got back Yell. I feel no animosity that he has got a bar that I was wanting to work (as a DJ). In fact I find it great that he has got a job so quickly after being away for so many months. He is the better DJ, being one of my tutors after all, and I know that I will get my own residency in the Hometown before long.

Well, now that Ass-Lady has got a job, I will probably have a lot more time to post on here. Whether I have anything worthwhile to say is a completely different thing though. Take care.

Come back! Come back!

Okay, I know it's been ... ahem ... a while, but I've not gone away for good!

So, I've spent the past few weeks with Ass-Lady and, I know, she's kind of seeped into my bones. I keep telling her we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, but we've spent so much time together we might as well be! Tonight is the first time I've spent on my own for ages and I am so grateful for it. I've been out around the Small City near me, with Stallion (who is back from his working holiday and is now looking for work over here) and I've told Ass-Lady that I don't know what time I'll be back and that it may be too late to go to her place. Obviously, I'm home right now, but I'm not going to her place, I need some time to myself and she just doesn't get it!

Other things of note ... I've attempted to get jobs dj-ing in the Hometown and people are a bit reticent about giving me the chance, even though I was taught by the best dj's in the area and I am quite good. I had the opportunity to get Yell, in the Hometown, and I was so close to getting it, but the manageress got replaced a day after we had pretty much come to a deal about it and the new manageress is only interested in doing things her way and isn't taking the old one's choices as viable. Fucking typical! I would kick serious booty in that place, but the opportunity is passed now. I'll just have to keep plugging myslef around and hope I get somewhere.

Boobs McGinty and SmileyGirl are not happy about me seeing Ass-Lady, they are both a bit jealous, but nobody can be pissed at me for too long and they both ended up feeling like shit about being nasty with me about her.

I'm gonna sign off again for now and, hopefully, manage to get the time to update again soon. But, if I don't, please keep coming back and checking as I may surprise you ;-P

Trying something new ...

Hey there, People! I'm trying something a bit different today and I'd like people's feedback regarding it.

So, here it is, an audio blog post. I'm going to do it in two ways, first as a link and then as an embeded player. Let me know what you all think and I may (or may not) do another one.

Audio Blog Post Number One

and ...

Ain't nothin' better than the real thing ...?

Becky mentioned, in a comment to the last post, that she hoped I hadn't given up on the "real thing", as opposed to the casual sex that I've been having recently with Ass-Lady and SmileyGirl. Actually, I think I pretty much have. I do get the occasional urge to find me a girlfriend and do the whole settling down thing again, but it very rarely lasts long enough to become a driving force in my life. I suppose it would be nice to find someone with whom I can spend those intimate nights in, share our emotions and experiences together and know that there is someone there for me to cuddle up to when things are bad. The problems that I see are that those are only parts of the relationship equation and that those parts don't counteract the minus points of relationships. Those being, among others, the clash of personalities (nobody can get on with someone all the time and I hate the petty little arguments that erupt in relationships), the lack of privacy (one of the things I have embraced, after getting rid of TQOAB, is my own space. Being able to do, think and say whatever I want in my own house without worrying if it will affect another person), being beholden to someone else (I don't like having to think of someone else when I make a decision, or have to think that I have to let someone know that I may be late home, going somewhere different, visiting someone off the cuff instead of arranging it first). There are other things too. It's not that I'm decrying relationships, there are many, many people that thrive in relationships and I champion those people and respect them, but relationships are not for me. They stifle me and make me feel claustrophobic. I just don't want to resent someone because I may have lost my independence that I had forced on me when my wife, and later my mother, died, yet an independence which I have turned into the largest positive thing in my life at the moment.

Perhaps someday, maybe someday soon, I might meet a woman that may make me rethink all of this. Perhaps I will find a woman so extraordinary that I will feel the overwhelming need to be with her for the rest of my life. At the moment, though, I am very happy with my relationship status and I don't want it to change. My experience with BenchGirl taught me a lot of things.

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Saturday night was quite upsetting as it was Trace's last night at The Bar. Harry played "Bye, Bye Baby" by The Bay City Rollers and it was obvious he played it for Trace. I had tears in my eyes, even though I knew it wouldn't stop me from seeing Trace as a friend. I'm am so going to miss her on Fridays and Saturdays! I really hope that her X2B changes shifts again soon and that she comes back and I also hope that she doesn't get back with him (she has been considering it) as I doubt very much that she will ever get any kind of independence like she has had since they split up. I'm pretty certain that he'll be fine for a while and then he'll start with the little things before building up to major things, but, by that time, I think he will have emotionally battered the confidence she has grown, out of her.

I met up with Ass-Lady in Cameo and she stayed at my house again (more anal sex along with all the ordinary (amazing) sex that we do!). Then, on Sunday, she came round for half an hour, late in the night to drop off a CD that she had done for me. Not ten minutes after she had arrived, SmileyGirl knocked on the door! She was absolutely drunk as a skunk! She came in and started crying, saying that nobody in her family was talking to her that she was upset about losing the baby and other things that she was upset about. She was sick in my bathroom 3 times and I eventually got her in a taxi home. No sooner had she left than I had a call from Boobs McGinty. I told her what had happened and she said that SmileyGirl was fine when she got out of the taxi at the end of my street (apart from being extremely drunk), that SmileyGirl's family were all alright with her and that she had been thinking about this whole miscarriage thing. Boobs reminded me that it was only a month or so ago that SmileyGirl had taken a pregnancy test and it had come out negative and that when she had gone to hospital for the miscarriage she had said that the doctors had said it had been an ectopic pregnancy. Apparently (me not being a doctor, I don't know) ectopic pregnancies are life threatening after 3 months and SmileyGirl had said she was 5 months gone. I don't know. All I know is that I'm going to keep my ears open and if I think SmileyGirl is lying to me about anything I will pull her up on it. According to Boobs, SmileyGirl had wanted sex with me that night and had said to Boobs that if Ass-Lady was at my house she was going to hit her. Thankfully, she didn't even attempt such an action and I am so glad. As it was, I had asked Ass-Lady to stay until SmileyGirl had gone as I'm not very good with upset people (although she said that I handled it very well) and she missed the opportunity to catch a lift home with her friend so she stayed the night again. I am quite sure that this woman is going to kill me with sex, although it will be one hell of a way to go!

A complete aside, I now have the DJ equipment I need to start performing and I am managing to get a lot of practice in on my own gear. I have had quite a few people tell me that I am really good at it, including Ass-Lady, SmileyGirl (who even said that I was almost as good as Hairy, Stallion, Boy-Toy and Ki and I take that as a huge compliment as those guys are extremely good) and also Da Boss, at The Bar, who has said, if the staffing situation at The Bar was better, I would have been DJ-ing there already. As I have said before, I don't want to get ahead over the bones of a friend, Harry, but I would love to be the DJ at The Bar. Knowing what Da Boss thinks has made me even more determined to find somewhere else to DJ so that Harry can take on there (being the most experienced, he can make a bigger impression than I could in a new place) and then I can do The Bar without worrying about having to go over his head to get it. If we can get a place for Thursdays through to Sundays it would be fantastic. We just have to keep badgering the bar owners until someone gives in and gives us a try. If they give us that opportunity they won't regret it.

Gee, I'm tired ...

Okay, okay, already! I'm blogging, I'm blogging!

It's not like things haven't been happening, lately, it's just that I really haven't gotten around to putting anything down. I'm just a lazy old so-and-so. I think this post will probably just be a re-cap of the past couple of weeks to keep people up to scratch.

Firstly, my redundancy came through and I am now, officially, unemployable. I mean, unemployed! I got a sizable lump sum, but the vast majority of it is going to pay off some rather irresponsible debts that I incurred over the last few years and a lot has gone towards buying DJ equipment, so I'm going to be left with very little after all is said and done. As I say to everybody who can be bothered to listen, as long as I can pay for the rent on my house, buy some food for me and the pussy (my cat, Salem) and go for a few drinks every so often, I'm not really bothered about money. Still, I am pretty worried about not being able to afford things so I will have to get me another job until the DJ-ing takes off. Probably some kind of shop assistant or something as I am never going to do another office job as long as I live! The inter-personal dynamic in office environments is just intolerable and I hate it.

Other news is that it's Trace's last night at The Bar tonight. Her X2B has changed his working pattern and he will be unable to have the children every weekend. Trace's parents can't look after them as her father is quite ill, so Trace would only be able to work every other week and that just won't really work for Da Boss. I'm quite upset that she's leaving, I'm going to miss her at The Bar. Other people will probably come and go, but Trace has been the person I have most clicked with there for such a long time.

Related but not entirely similar news. BenchGirl has set a date for her wedding to her boring, boring, boring fiance. That's not too bad, I hope she stays with the boring inattentive chap for the rest of her life and has an eternity of inaffection, lonely nights and Victorian attitudes from him. Me, bitter? Never! (He he he). Anyway, the person that she has asked to DJ at her wedding reception is none other than Shrek, Trace's ex and the person that Trace and BigGayGuy (who is going to the wedding with Trace as I doubt it would be appropriate for me to go) hate more than virtually anybody else. I feel that BenchGirl's choice in DJ was inappropriate and unfeeling towards Trace's history with Shrek and I think it shows just how much that girl does not care about Trace at all. I said nothing to Trace about it though as it would just seem like sour grapes on my part.

News on my front. I ended things with Ass-Lady after being threatened by an ex of hers. I wanted to end it anyway, as she was acting far too much like a girlfriend and just wasn't getting the "I don't want a girlfriend" message. I didn't hear from her for a week or so, but while I was out on Thursday night, I met her, we talked and ... *sigh* ... I ended up taking her home. Yes, I know! I have no resolve. In my defence, I was very drunk and I had been missing the outstanding sex that we had. For a plus point, I finally had anal sex that I could remember doing and it was very nice. I doubt that I'd want to do it all the time but it was different enough to make a very nice change. At least Ass-Lady is accommodating in my little fantasies and fetishes, although I still believe it would be best for me to cut ties from her entirely at some point soon. I guess I'll just have to do something drastic, like pull some other woman while she is in the same club as me. If she ends up hating me for it, then so be it. At the end of the day, she definitely wants more from me than I want from her and she really needs to understand that I just want to sleep around and kiss far too many women at the moment and whether I'm having sex with her or not is not even a deciding factor in that.

Glassy has been pursuing me again and I shared a kiss with her a couple of weeks back, but, yet again, she is another girl who wants more from me than I want from her. Although, at least, I haven't had sex with her so it isn't so bad as the situation with Ass-Lady.

SmileyGirl and I have been sharing a bed quite a bit. As usual, the sex is very vanilla, but when you're horny, you're horny! The trouble in this situation is that SmileyGirl recently found out that she was five months pregnant. Apart from the fact that I'm infertile, I couldn't be the father as we weren't having sex five months ago. Unfortunately, she took a tumble down some stairs last week and ended up losing the baby. Very strangely, she mentioned to Boobs McGinty, the other day before the miscarriage, that she really wished that I had been the father! WTF?!?! She knows my attitude towards children and, although I would never run away from it if it happened, I simply do not ever want children! Seriously, do people not listen to a word that I say to them? Am I speaking an entirely different language to every body else that sounds like English but everything that I say comes out the opposite of what I am actually saying? Honestly, the celibacy option is looking more and more appealing the more time I spend with the opposite sex!

The DarkTwin situation has pretty much fizzled out. I haven't really spoken to her since the night I realised that her personality wasn't particularly as attractive to me as her physical appearance and, although we have locked eyes a few times, the flirting has pretty much stopped.

Angelita, as expected, has not made another appearance since the other week.

I met the boyfriend of Songstress and he's a nice enough lad, but the two times that he has come into The Bar to see her, he obviously doesn't like the attention that she gives me. I'd say that he was intimidated by me (he seemed it), but he is a doorman by profession so I doubt he'd be intimidated by a short (although well-muscled for my age), bald, camp acting bar-man! LOL ... She is cute though, and the moment she stops seeing him (if that ever happens), I'm going to jump her bones like she'd never know!

Non-girl orientated news. I had some disturbing news for my best friend, Coach, the other day. His (slightly (Ha!)) psychotic ex-girlfriend has joined the local géndarmes and has recently found out the location of his current home. This is disturbing because she is quite capable of making some kind of false allegation against him to get him harassedd by her colleagues. I know this would adversely affect her chosen career, but I do not doubt that she would be that stupid. Fortunately, Coach and his current girlfriend have just put a deposit down for a pallacial new house and they should be moving there very soon. Hopefully, crisis averted, but I would not put it past his ex to abuse her position to find him again.

All in all, it's been a typically chaotic and strange couple of weeks. As I have a want to say, how can such a boring life be so complicated? Because I complicate things, myself, unnecessarily!

Should I believe ...?

Last night was the first night, in quite a while, where Coach, my best friend, and I managed to have a really good chat about everything that's been going on recently. We met up in a bar in The Hometown, ordered some food and got us some drinks and just sat and talked for a good few hours. It was great being able to just sit and talk with someone who knew me so well. He knows why I would be excited about somethings, why I would be upset or down about others. There's no need to explain things. No need to give the reasonings about how I feel about things, he just knows, because he is my best friend. To be honest, he let me rant and rave for a large majority of the time. I think he understands that I don't get much opportunity to express my side of things with the people I usually talk with. That being Trace, Boobs, SmileyGirl, etc, as they always seem to turn everything round to what is troubling them and skip over anything I want to say about what's troubling/affecting me.

Coach and I talked about movies, martial arts, politics, girls, pregnancies. Yes, pregnancies! Coach is going to be a daddy for the first time soon and we talked about children and things. Now, normally, I am very reticent talking about children, pregnancies or anything to do with the whole child situation. It bores me, frankly (and I just know so many people will be offended by that statement, but why? I'm not saying anybody else should be bored. I'm not saying your children aren't wonderful and beautiful and exciting and all the other things that parents think about their children. But, to me, they are not.). However, the chat I had with Coach was much better than it usually goes with everybody else. He wasn't all gushy. He wasn't expecting me to be overcome with excitement and filled with a longing to see his child. He understands that it will be his child and that it will be an amazing little creature to him and his s/o, but it will just be another child to me. He understands that. I can tell how proud it is going to make him and I feel glad for him.

We eventually made our ways home after I had agreed to go to the martial arts class tonight. It's such a long time since I have been as I injured my knee pretty badly a while ago and it doesn't seem to be healing very well at all. His students, formally our students, have expressed that they have missed me being there and would like me to show my face at least once, so I agreed that I would go tonight. The problem is that I feel awful, sat on the sidelines, watching everybody train and enjoy themselves, while I know that if I joined in and trained I could possibly damage my knee even further. It is so frustrating though. I would love to go back to class and begin training again, but I can feel myself getting excited and wanting to join in and I just can't! *sigh* ... Still, it would be great to see all the lads again.

Last night, also, I got a call from SmileyGirl wanting me to go for a drink in The Othertown. I told her that I was occupied with Coach, but she tried persuading me with offering to buy me drinks and putting on a little girl type voice ("Oh, pleeeeaaaasssseeee", "No."). She eventually got the message and said she'd see me later. I got back home, eventually and went straight to bed. Waking up, this morning, I found a number of missed calls and a couple of messages on my answerphone from her. One was a very weepy, "I need your help, pleeeeaaassseee", type message and the other one was an apology for the missed calls and a "obviously you're too busy to answer the phone". Strangely, she wasn't at all weepy in the second message that arrived only moments after the first. The thing is, I have had a number of these calls from SmileyGirl and offered my help only to find that there was nothing actually wrong. According to Boobs, SmileyGirl can turn on the weepy voice at any time and turn it off just as quick. The problem is the "Crying wolf" effect of all this. Eventually, she will do this weepy phone thing and I won't believe her and it may actually be something important that she needs my help for. But you can't help becoming traumatized against it, eventually. I just hope the situation never does get that bad.

Not much ...

Well, thursday night I went out for drinks with SmileyGirl and didn't stick to the celibacy thing. Oops! I have several very deep scratches on my back for my sins. Why is it that virtually every woman I've been with recently has had the need to cause some kind of bodily scarring to me? Anyway, the sex was quite good, but nowhere near as good as with Ass-Lady, but c'est la vie. I'd rather have average sex with someone who isn't going to get my head kicked in by an ex than amazing sex with someone who is. There was also a surprise on thursday night as Stallion had returned from his sojourn abroad! He came into Yell and said hi, had a couple of drinks and then had to move on as he had arranged to meet up with some other friends. He said he'd ring me and we'd go out for a drink on the saturday and catch up with everything.

Friday night, Trace wasn't working at The Bar as a gum infection that she hadn't had treated had spread to her glands, which couldn't be good. Fortunately, one of the new girls called in a cousin of hers who started that night and she was very, very cute! She'll be working at The Bar for a few weeks before she heads off to university and in the meantime I'm going to try and seduce her. LOL. She heard me singing and said that she bet that I sang karaoke. I replied in the positive and she said so did she. I heard her singing later and she has a really good voice, I was quite impressed. I'll call her Songstress for now. She and I got on quite well and she fell in to the banter side of things very quickly. I'll have to watch her as she is almost as quick as me with comebacks! I met up with one of the barmen, from Yell, in Cameo and hung around with him. He was talking to a woman, at one point, who had a very cute friend. I mentioned her cuteness to him and he told the woman he was talking to, who told the woman I liked, who then said that, although she liked me, she was on "that" time of the month and just wanted to dance and drink that night. I just winked and said, "See you next week then". That got a smile from her.

Saturday, I met up with Stallion during the day and we caught up on all the comings and goings of the last three months while having a drink and some food. It was fantastic to see him again and we were chatting like he'd never left. It made us both a bit nostalgic for our Tuesday Night Socials, but we both agreed that when he gets back, we'll be rampaging around the usual haunts once again. What was fun was to see all the girls that used to want him, see him and then their jaws drop, before not taking their eyes off him. Of course, Stallion was completely oblivious and virtually blanked every one of them. SmileyGirl even said, on thursday night, she'd love to get a piece of him, but I told her she'd have to join a very long queue first!

Later, at work, I continued to flirt outrageously with Songstress, only to find out that she was seeing a guy. After the whole BenchGirl thing my resolve for not messing about with other men's partners is now even firmer than ever. Still, it only sounds like she's dating the guy so if it doesn't work out, I'll be in like Flynn! I went to Cameo again and met up with Glassy and her friend. I, unfortunately, flirted with her as she was looking really good and has been for a few weeks now. Very feminine and cute. At one point I was kissing her as Ass-Lady walked by. Doh! She was not very pleased at all and gave me a really nasty look later on in the night. I was a good boy though, I did go to bed alone, leaving Glassy in the taxi home after paying for her part of the journey as well as mine.

There was a woman in Cameo that I had a little thing with a few months ago. I can't remember if I mentioned it on here and I can't be bothered to look through past posts to find out. I met her a couple of times in Shark and shared some kisses with her, but both times she just disappeared on me without saying goodbye or anything. Since then she hasn't spoken to me at all, yet strangely enough on saturday she did. As she walked past me at one point, she tapped me on the shoulder, gave me a big smile and said hi. I have no idea what made her talk to me again after all this time. It may have something to do with the fact that she is a friend of Angelita. I would love to talk to this woman to see if Angelita is actually seeing someone. You see, I have never pursued women. It may sound big headed and arrogant, but I have never chatted a woman up, it's always been the other way round. Sure, I flirt. Lots! But I don't physically go up to women and ask them out on dates or anything like that. Believe it or not, I'm quite shy. However, with Angelita, I would pursue her. If she is available. She is just too gorgeous to wait for her to make any first move, if that is her intent. So, I need to talk to this woman, who I have kissed a few times, and ask her about her friend. Sounds a bit fucked up, n'est pas?

In other news, I found out last night that SmileyGirl has walked out of her job at the On The Fence Club. I then got spoken to by the stewardess saying that someone had told her that I only liked SmileyGirl because she gave me free drinks! This is absolutely not true! I like SmileyGirl because of who she is, not for non-existant free drinks. The only times I have had drinks from her is when people have paid for her some drinks and she has used those paid on drinks to get me one or two. The drinks have never been free in the sense that nobody has paid for them. I have a good idea who has made this rumour up and, although I am not a violent person (fighting hurts!), I will get my own back in a non-violent fashion. I can be terribly evil when I want to be. He he he.

Memories: Part Five ...

I don't mention much about The Queen Of All Bitches. She was a huge part of my life, if only for a relatively short time. She affected me in so many different ways and what happened to me with her has resonated through every relationship I have had since. I think part of the reason I rarely stay with a girl for more than a couple of weeks, or that I end up self-destructing with women that I like is due to her. Damn, that girl hurt me! Yet, through retrospect, I believe she was really just a rebound girl after the death of my wife and I clung to her like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean.

It was five months or so after I lost my wife and I was just beginning to go out drinking properly again with my friends. I had continued working at The Bar but my flirting had all but disappeared. It was about this time that I had also started shaving my head completely. I do one of two things when significant events happen in my life, I either do something radical to my hair, or I get another tattoo. After losing my wife I had a tattoo done in her honour and I also shaved my head. It seemed symbolic and I've, pretty much, kept it shaved ever since.

It was a thursday night and I had recently returned from New York. My friends and I had moved on to Yell for the last drinks before we all moved on to Cameo to finish the night. I was talking to a bunch of people I knew, while my friends all sat down to continue their conversations. Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turned round to see one of the most stunningly beautiful women I had ever seen in my life. She was slightly shorter than me, with gorgeous brown eyes, long silky brown hair and a wonderful figure. She started talking to me, even though I had been talking to other people. Apparently I looked a little like the guy who plays Lex Luthor in Smallville and I said "Nah, I'm better looking than him". She chatted with me for a little while longer and I said I had to go back to my friends. She asked me which club I was going to afterwards and I told her I was going to Cameo. She gave a little smile and walked away, showing me one of the nicest asses I have ever seen! Even better than Ass-Lady's.

I thought nothing more of the incident until we all paraded up into Cameo. I had just bought myself a drink when this girl comes up to me again. She told me her name and asked if she could hang around and talk with me. Of course, there was not any chance at all that I would say no to such a beautiful girl so we stayed together and chatted for a while. Eventually, she asked if I wanted to leave. I wasn't looking for a one-night stand that night, but I was enjoying myself so much with her that I readily agreed. We left the club and walked to where she had parked her car. She had been drinking, but I wasn't bothered about dying. I didn't think about other people, which was selfish of me, I guess. She drove us to another town near to the Hometown where she, surprisingly, picked up her dog! We took the dog for a walk and after a while I said that I should really be getting home. She said she would take me and so me, TQOAB and her dog ended up back at my house.

We stayed up for hours, just talking and playfighting. Watching films and listening to music. We kissed and talked some more but we didn't have sex. It was fantastic. It had been such a long time since I had had so much fun with someone of the opposite sex that I was enraptured by this woman. We eventually went to bed, sleeping cuddled up together after I had run my fingers through her hair for an hour or so, still talking. The next morning she asked if she could come back later in the day, after I had finished work and I said yes, trying so hard not to sound too excited at the prospect.

She did come back. She stayed the night and we made wonderful, passionate love all night. She came back the next day and the next and she never spent a night away from me from the night we met to the night she left. A year and a half we spent together and by the end of that time she had sucked me dry like a vampire. I was a spent corpse and not through too much sex (that had pretty much ended within a few months of her moving in), but through her sucking my soul out of me.

That was how we met. How we lived together is a memory for another time.

FUBAR (part two) ...

This will probably be a bit meandering but I'll attempt to keep it all chronological.

Friday night I had been a reticent about letting Ass-Lady know whether I was going to Cameo, after work, or not. I just wanted to have a good drink, a good boogie and spend some "friends time" with Trace. She wasn't happy and wanted me to let her know around ten-ish what I was doing. I couldn't let her know at that time as Da Boss doesn't let us have our mobile (cell) phones behind The Bar until we have finished work at the end of the night. As it turned out, Ass-Lady must have stayed in because she didn't come to The Bar and she wasn't in Cameo either. This was great as me and Trace had a good laugh without Trace being left on her own because of me showing Ass-Lady attention, like I had done the past couple of weeks. DarkTwin was in Cameo and she started talking to Trace, eventually ending up talking to me and I realised that, despite being physically attracted to her, I doubt I could date her. She's a very nice girl but I don't think she would be lively enough for me. She seems a bit, ummm, reserved, shall we say. So now I have no women on my "would like to date" list, except Angelita who I will probably not see again for a long time, if ever.

On saturday, Trace, BigGayBen and I went for some drinks during the day. Ass-Lady called me asking if she could leave some clothes at my house for her to change into on sunday morning and that she had bought me something else (she had bought me some rather expensive aftershave on thursday). I met up with her before I reached Trace and BigGayBen, collected her clothes and the present, a bandana that I needed for when I do The Third Job on sundays. As I was drinking with my friends, they tried to persuade me to go to the Othertown nearby for drinks after work and I was sorely tempted, eventually giving in. I texted Ass-Lady and told her that I was going elsewhere that night and she was very upset.

At work that night, I was confronted by an ex of Ass-Lady's. He was being very aggressive telling me all sorts of nasty things about Ass-Lady, telling me when she had been to my house, what time she left. He kept staring at me and eventually he came to the bar with around four friends behind him and started being threatening. I kept my cool and just informed them that if they didn't settle down and stop being aggressive then I would have the doormen escort them out. They all eventually left giving me some evil looks. Ass-Lady had come into The Bar by this time and had seen some of this going on. I was a bit shaken about being threatened and I told her that we would have to have a talk later. After work had finished I found that she had sent me a number of text messages telling me she was going to wait on my doorstep until I got home. I told her that I wouldn't be likely to come home anytime before 3 in the morning (it was twelve at night by this point). She said she would wait and wanted to sort things out, that she couldn't believe she had lost me because of her ex and on and on and on. I hadn't said I would have stopped seeing her but all these messages just screamed stalker to me so I just said we should call it a day and end the fling. I kept getting phone calls and texts throughout the night and eventually turned off my phone. I also found out, the next morning, that SmileyGirl had tried to phone me a number of times during the night and I had ignored her calls thinking it was Ass-Lady. Turns out that SmileyGirl was having her own little drama and I couldn't handle hers and my own with Ass-Lady.

When I look back at it now, it's not all so bad as I thought it was, but being threatened just because I'm sleeping with someone is just not on my list of favourite pastimes! I'm still seriously considering the whole celibacy thing again. It was, just about, the only time I've been really happy in quite a while.

FUBAR (part one) ...

I can't even begin to relate the shit that has happened tonight. I need to formulate this all in my head before I put it down on here (and I have to relate it to you).

Let's just say that I won't be sleeping with Ass-Lady again and I'm seriously considering the whole celibacy angle, yet again. This shit is all too complicated and fucked up for me to deal with any more. I just want to have fun and all I seem to get is drama after drama and it's wearing me down.

I just can't deal with it. Why can't people just get it through their heads that I don't want a relationship at all, I just want to have a bit of fun, but nobody understands what I'm saying. Plus, yet another person has chimed in saying I'm having relations of a sexual nature with Trace. Why can't everybody just understand that Trace and I are just very close friends.

I'm seriously messed up right now and I don't know how much more I can handle before The Demon comes a calling. I can feel him. Right there, hovering over my shoulder, laughing at me.

Some little asides ...

Nothing really to blog about, but I just feel like putting some words down today for no other reason that I like to hear (see) my own voice (my own written words). I am such a narcissistic person!

I am so very, very tired. Ass-Lady came round last night and it was ... ahem ... exhausting. I fell asleep in the men's room at The Day Job and got woken up by the female janitor knocking on the outer door to see if anybody was in. Hmmm, seriously hoping that I don't fall asleep at the wheel on the way home. I'm not bothered about dying myself but I'd hate to hurt someone else in the process.

I've been playing Silent Hill 4: The Room a lot, recently. I, personally, don't think it's as good a game as Silent Hill 2 (as in gameplay), but it looks fantastic and reminds me, somewhat, of all the japanese/south east asian horror films that have been emerging over the past few years. Films such as Ringu, Ju on and Dark Water.

I don't think I'll be going out tonight, I'm far too tired. Yet, I'm pretty certain that if I don't go out, go to bed early and get a good night's sleep, that I will still be absolutely shattered in the morning. So, I may as well go out, get drunk, fall over and generally have a good time. If I'm going to feel like crap in the morning, I may as well enjoy myself the night before.

Ass-Lady wants me to go for a weekend break with her in a couple of weeks time, but I'm not certain if I should, let alone want, to go. This is, yet another, pointer towards her thinking she can become my girlfriend. To be brutally honest, if it wasn't for the fact that she is really good in bed and that she originally said she thought I'd shag her once and then dump her (and I don't want that bad a reputation), I would have dumped her a while ago. I really can't take this clingy thing and the whole sweet caressing, kissy kissy, lovey dovey routine is just boring me silly.

Also, speak of the devil and the devil shall appear, she has just texted me. She wants me to meet her in The Hometown so that she can give me something. I'm sorry, but people who are just having sex don't buy each other little somethings, at least, they shouldn't. I'm not meeting her and I've decided I'm not going away for the weekend, even if she does want to pay for it. I think it's about time she got it through her head I'm not interested in the relationship thing and if it means losing great sex, then I'll lose it. As Woody Allen says, "I love masturbation, it's sex with someone I love.".

Situation normal, all fucked up ...

Saturday night went as per expectations. Totally snafu! As opposed to friday night, I knew that Ass-Lady was going to come into The Bar and would be expecting to meet me in Cameo. No problems there. I was just not happy on friday night because she said she wasn't going to be out and then turned up expecting me to spend my time with her as opposed to spending time with Trace, my best female friend. I cannot stand people expecting me to do things, especially if they haven't told me about them until the time they expect me to do it. Very off-topic there, I believe. I'm meandering again. Anyway, never expected DarkTwin to be out on both nights but she was. This was unexpected occurence, numero one. Unexpected occurence numero two, was when a certain woman that I have been politely obsessed with for years came in to The Bar for the first time in a long while. It's that long ago that I hadn't even started this blog then.

I'm struggling to find a name for her to use on this blog as none would be able to convey the profound attraction I have for her. How beautiful I think she is. How graceful and poetic in every move she makes. She is simply perfection in the form of woman for me. Let me give you an idea. Put BenchGirl, Ass-Lady, DarkTwin and, indeed, anybody that you or I can think of in a line. Hell! Put TQOAB in there too as she was a girl of model like beauty (gorgeous, but a bitch of epic proportions). As I said, line them up. Have them looking their most alluring, being the most attractive they could be, personality wise, let them all be madly in love with me and I would walk past each and every single one of them, over broken glass to get to this woman. I think I'll call her Angelita. Little Angel. She is, quite simply, stunningly beautiful and she has always been interested in me. At least, she used to be.

After work, I went to Cameo. I kind of expected DarkTwin to be there, in the downstairs room, so I decided I would stay upstairs all night so that she wouldn't see me with Ass-Lady. Trace decided she wanted to go downstairs and talk to one of her friends there and I stayed upstairs. Eventually, Ass-Lady wanted to go downstairs herself and was quite determined to go, even though I was dragging my heels at the matter. I wish I had stayed upstairs. Not only was DarkTwin there, but also Angelita. It was at the point where both of them saw me, at almost exactly the same moment, when Ass-Lady decided to hold my hand in a girlfriendy way and to reach up to kiss me. Two pairs of eyes changed from interested attraction to disinterested disappointment. In one fell swoop, one pico-second of time, I could see my hopes for both of those women shatter. Angelita I will probably never see again or, at least, not for a long long while. DarkTwin, well, yet more about DarkTwin in a moment.

I managed to persuade Ass-Lady to go back upstairs and, after a while, I managed to persuade her to leave early and go home. We did the sex thing again and, again, it went on all night and it was very very good. To say she hasn't slept with many people, she's a damn sight better than most of the other women I've been with. I dropped her off in the home town on sunday, before going on to my Third Job.

Last night I went out with Boobs McGinty again and we were having a lot of fun. I sang on karaoke again and, if I say so myself, I was really very good. Yes, much fun happening until I got the shock of the night as DarkTwin walked in to the bar we were in. She saw me and her face dropped. No other indicator did I need of the huge mess I had made of that opportunity than the look on her face. I tried catching her eye and smiling and she kept looking at me, but she wouldn't smile and everytime she passed me I couldn't manage to get to say anything to her. Soon, SmileyGirl joined Boobs and I, which made it worse as SmileyGirl just doesn't give crap and lets everyone know we've slept with each other, usually as loudly as possible. We moved on to Yell, shortly after DarkTwin left without even looking at me,only to find her in there! But, wait, it gets worse! I went to the bathroom to find SmileyGirl waiting for me on returning. She grabbed me and started kissing and groping me and who happens to walk by, herself returning from the ladies bathroom? That's right, DarkTwin. Insert look of abject horror on my face and look of disdain on hers. More, you say? Okay, how about this. After feeling pretty dispondent about the whole situation I begin nursing my drinks and feeling very sorry for myself. A few drinks later, I go to the bathroom again and return to find that SmileyGirl had gone across to DarkTwin and "set her straight". Basically, she did the adult equivalent of schoolkids in the school yard running up to someone and saying "my mate fancies you" before running away again!

DOH!

By this time I had just given up. I was well and truly in the "fuck it!" zone, so I took SmileyGirl home and shagged her bandy legged! It wouldn't matter anymore because my chances with DarkTwin are done. Any chance I had with Angelita (just thinking about her eyes makes me shiver), is quite probably gone. And all I am left with is two women who I only want to have sex with, but who both would like to be my girlfriend (I haven't even mentioned SmileyGirl trying to dig for information on who is better, her or Ass-Lady!) and a lot of female friends. I'm tempted to do that web/weave/deceive thing again, but that would be over-use of an already over-used, but insightful, quote.

I'm not even mentioning about when Shrek saw Tyler. That will be for later.

Drama gratia drama ...

Sometimes, the life I have chosen for myself tends to catch me in a squall and take me in directions I never think is going to happen. I was very stoked, last night, as I was working at The Bar. It wasn't busy, per sé, but it was busy enough to get my adrenaline going and I was having a very good time. Glassy came in for the first time in a long time and she was okay with me. Back to how we used to be before we actually dated, which is good, as I like Glassy as a person. Just not as a girlfriend.

The highlight of the night came when DarkTwin came in and stood next to the bar talking to her sister and her friends. This was unusual as she tends to stand further away from the bar most every other night. She kept looking over and catching my eye, but I was busy enough to the point where I couldn't really flirt with her unless I served her. The only trouble being that every time she needed serving, I happened to be serving someone else and someone else served her every time. Frustrating much?!

Ass-Lady came in. This was a bit of a shit as she had said that she wasn't going out until saturday night and she has shown that she doesn't like it when I'm talking to other women. More on this later.

Trace persuaded me to go to That's Right after work and I seriously wish she hadn't. The place was dead! There must have been a grand total of 10 people in there and I was bored shitless. Trace wanted to go there because Shrek was going there as he is barred from Cameo. She talked to another guy for the entire half hour we were there and Shrek wasn't happy. Neither was I but for a different reason. There weren't even any girls for me to flirt with in there and I eventually told Trace I was leaving and going to Cameo, where DarkTwin was and, unfortunately, so was Ass-Lady. Trace left with me and we moved on to Cameo.

Cameo was much better than That's Right, with quite a few people in. I saw DarkTwin straight away and was about to wander over and talk to her but I noticed she was talking to another guy at the time. I may be a slut, but I'm not a cockblocker, so I left it for the time being. Trace was busy texting a guy that she had met through an internet chatroom while I sat and watched people while listening to the music. Eventually Ass-Lady came up, tapped me on the shoulder then walked away with a pissed off look on her face. The inevitable text messages followed saying I'd used her and all the usual things. I replied telling her that I'd told her from the beginning that I was only out for fun and that I didn't need this fucked up shit. She kept coming up to me and started trying to have a go at me, but I just wasn't having it. She knew I was pissed off. This is the difference between how I am with girlfriends and with girls that I am just having fun with. A girlfriend I would have been more friendly to instead of standing up for myself (perhaps I should try standing up for myself when I do have a girlfriend?). By this point DarkTwin had moved on. The best chance I had got with the only girl I'd be willing to try being in a relationship with and it was fucked up by a girl I'm just seeing being all "drama queen". I'm certain, after Trace talked to DarkTwin the other week, that DarkTwin was willing to talk to me beyond the usual flirting and the opportunity has probably passed. I've noticed, in the past, that you usually only get one window of opportunity from girls and if you miss it, it could be weeks, months, years or you could never get a chance again. I can't even begin to say how disappointed I am.

Finally, Cameo started to close and Ass-Lady caught up with me, yet again. I took hold of her hand, took her outside to somewhere quiet and started "the talk". She wanted me to say whether I actually liked her and whether I still wanted to see her. I told her that after how she had been through the night, I wasn't sure if I did want to see her anymore! She apologised and I'm a sucker for apologies. I detest those people that, if someone apologises, they keep going at them, like picking at an open sore. The people that like to force people to apologise over and over again. If someone apologises, that's it. I believe you can't apologise more than you already have, so why keep making people say it.

The other piece of drama of the night happened while I was doing "the talk" with Ass-Lady. Trace called me (she had left earlier and had been walked home by a friend) telling me that someone had told Shrek that she and I had been sleeping together! What the fuck?!?! Shrek knows better than that! He knows me and Trace have never slept with each other and we never will. He knows me and Trace don't have any attraction to each other at all. I was severely pissed off at that and I asked Trace to send me his number. I wasn't going to text or phone him last night (some of the dumbest things are said via mobile phone while drunk), I was going to leave it for today, but I don't think I'll say anything at all. I'm going to leave it and if Shrek wants to talk to me her better start with "I'm sorry about friday night ...". Anything else and I'll just walk away from him until he does apologise.

What tonight is going to bring, I just don't know ... Far too much drama for such a boring life, if you ask me.

Career and nostalgia ...

I was reading Becky's latest post about career choices and whether we would go back and change our choice if we could and it had me thinking. As I said in my comment to Becky's post, I had an affinity and a knack for three things while I was in education; computers, law and performing arts (mainly the acting, but I was okay with the singing and dancing too).

I chose computers, as I was a bit of a prodigy where they were concerned, but I soon realized that my choice was flawed. By the time I had left education businesses had started training people in-house for most of their computer work. Plus, computer operators and programmers were ten a penny.

I seriously wish I had chosen law, as that is where the money would have been, or acting, as that is where the fun would have been. As it is, I just couldn't afford to go back to school for law and I just don't have the time to make my bones in acting. So, anyways, I took an online career assessment test to see what it would say, and here is the result.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Career Assessment Results

Congratulations!

Your career assessment test has revealed that you are bested for a career in Criminal Justice. Our career assessment test shows you have a fine attention to detail and a knack for logical, analytical thinking. As Aristotle said, "Law is reason, free from passion." We know you will be successful when you pursue a career in Criminal Justice.

Criminal Justice is a career in great demand today, especially with the world situation as it is.
Now that you have been pre-determined to have an interest in Criminal Justice, we are here to help.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

And there you have it! Damn and blast! I could have been a judge by now! LOL ... But, seriously, I know I should have chosen law, but I'm not sure I would have enjoyed it enough for it to keep my interest.

Still, I'm at a turning point in my life and I'm moving to a different career. Hopefully, dj-ing will give me the satisfaction I need, but I'm also going to work at learning a trade to be a back up in case the dj-ing doesn't pan out. If anything, it should be fun to see what happens.

Equal opportunities slut ...

So, me and Ass-Lady finally stepped on the good foot and did the bad thing on saturday night. All saturday night! We didn't get any sleep and I had to go to my Third Job on sunday morning, barely able to walk. She is very, very good. Not quite as good as BenchGirl, but very very good, nonetheless. And yet, there is a problem. She absolutely definately thinks she can change me to being boyfriend material and that is honestly, without a shadow of a doubt, snowball's chance in hell of happening. Not just with her, but with pretty much anybody (except DarkTwin and I didn't see her this weekend *sigh*). She's already treating me as a boyfriend, wanting to see me a lot, texting me telling me about her day and that sort of thing. She even wants to go to the flicks with me and that is something I only do with friends or girlfriends and she ain't my girlfriend! Nu-huh!

Also, on sunday night, SmileyGirl came out for a drink with Boobs McGinty and me. Boobs left early-ish and left me with SmileyGirl. The inevitable happened and I succumbed to my libido, taking her home and doing the sex thing with her, but it was pretty meh! compared to what I'd had the night before.

I spent monday night alone, but getting texted left right and centre by Boobs, Trace, SmileyGirl and Ass-Lady and I eventually just told them all I was going to bed early and turned my phone to silent. I still managed to get four more texts and two missed calls! What is it with women? Can they not understand the meaning of closure? When a man recieves a text message that is obviously a final one, they don't send a text message back saying "Okay. See you later. By the way, do you ...?". With the dots being a question that they want you to text back and answer. But women do that! Why? For the love of all that's holy! Stop texting me! Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

Tuesday night is movie night with Coach, but Ass-Lady came round and seduced me (he he he) into another quick session. Damn! She has a fine ass! Still, I think I have to get rid before long. I really can't be dealing with her acting like my girlfriend. She wants to come over tonight as well and I'll welcome the sex, but I'll want to kick her out once we've done and I expect she'll want to stay most of the night :-( ... Think I'll have to pull some kind of excuse, maybe get Coach to do a lifesave phone call or something. I dunno. I bring some stupid problems into my life that I don't need and I never learn.

I'm wondering if it's better to have girls want me then hate me, or want me then really want me. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. I know, I've said that before, but it always seems so appropriate for the stuff I get myself into.

New reviews ...

Two new reviews on my reviews page. Mr & Mrs Smith and Steven Spielberg's War Of The Worlds have been given the Tyler treatment.

Let me know what you think.

Finally! The tattoo pic ...

Yes, I finally got round to taking a pic of that new tattoo I had done. I like it a lot and I'm wanting another on the other forearm to balance it up.


It says, "To be at peace", in Sanskrit. The other one on my other forearm will say, "Ich bien frei" in Germanic script, meaning "I am free".

Say what you think. ;-D

The sun's gonna shine on everything you do ...

I've had a very nostalgic feeling today. My boss, at The Day Job, has had a word with me about my finishing date and it, strangely, left me feeling a little empty. I've spent ten years of my life in this job. It has been the most chaotic and upsetting ten years of my life and that is, perhaps, the reason why I am feeling as if it's the end of an era. No other time in my life has had so much upheaval, sorrow, hurt, pain, suffering, fun, laughter, joy, transience, stability, extasy, terror, unhappiness, fear, love, hate or any other descriptive you can imagine. In the time I have worked at The Day Job I have made new friends, lost them, met a wonderful woman, married her then realised that we should have stayed friends, before losing her in the most tragic of circumstances. I started the best job in my life, working at The Bar, yet I believe that The Bar has been a major factor in my not finding happiness. I have lost my Father, my Mother, (as afore-mentioned) my Wife and my Nanna. I have seen people married, seen them divorce, seen relationships begin and end. I have grown, while essentially staying the same. I've gained dreams and let them fritter away.

I've met women, while married and while single, that have come and gone like leaves on the wind. I have been to places that I could only ever imagine going to on movie screens, yet I still remain in (essentially) the place of my birth. I have loved and lost. My wife, The Queen Of All Bitches, PsychoInternetGirl, BenchGirl. I want to say their real names. I feel like I owe them something by saying their real names but people will put two and two together and make an entirely different number from it.

I feel they deserve to have their names mentioned. Sarah Jayne ( I love you), Catherine (you hurt me so very, very badly), Maria (you lied to me the entire time and I can never forgive you) and Claire (I fell for you so hard and you said you felt the same, but you ended it over nothing).

I'm not religious. If anything I would lean towards Buddhism, mainly due to it's teachings about Karma and that what we do has effects on our lives, but all religions are so restrictive and don't give me the answers that I'm looking for. There has to be a reason to everything that I have done and experienced. The adagé that god (and I refuse to give it the capital letter that christianity, judaeism and even islam, usually demand), moves in mysterious ways just doesn't cut it with me. "Proof denies faith and without faith, I am nothing".

Anyways, this is supposed to be about my day at The Day Job! I'm a level one Reiki practinoner and I believe that there is more to it than just healing properties (although, I believe it's more therapy than healing). I believe that there is an energy that flows through everything. Animal, vegetable and mineral and that reiki can affect this energy. I had the thought, today, that I could affect that energy to turn back time. That I could return to a better time and make things better. It's a stupid idea. You can't change the past. You can't go back and redo the mistakes. You have to accept them and move on. I can't move on.

I've come to terms with a lot of what I've done but there are still some things that haunt me, especially from the last ten years. I'm an evil man. Or, at the very least, a very very selfish man.

A lot of things to consider. A lot of options. And there is always that option. The one that I have stashed away, that I haven't thought about in a couple of weeks. There's always that.

Days like these ...

Right then. I'll just give a recap for the last couple of weeks or so.

I did the DJ-ing at The Bar and it went very, very well. A number of people came up to me to tell me that I was better than Harry. I was quite pleased at that but I also felt a bit bad. Especially when the doormen told me that Da Boss had mentioned letting Harry go and putting me up there instead.

I've distanced myself from SmileyGirl as she started acting like we were seeing each other and she knew that wasn't what I wanted. She also kept turning up at stupid o'clock in the morning when I had the Day Job to go to early the next day. It just wasn't working as it was supposed to. I'm still talking to her, but we've stopped having sex.

A cousin of Trace's came into The Bar, recently, and she was gorgeous! I started flirting like crazy with her but Trace told me to leave her alone (not nastily) as her Cousin is terribly innocent. LOL She wouldn't be for long if I got my hands on her!

I've met a new woman, who I'll all Ass-Lady, as she has the most amazing ass I've seen in a long time. We've started having some pretty good sexual encounters in some really public places and it's fun. I've told her that I'm not wanting a girlfriend, and she says she understands, but I think she has an idea that she can change my mind. I have an idea that she has no chance!

Although there is one girl that I would gladly try the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing with. The Dark Twin spoke to Trace on saturday. She asked Trace who she was out with and Trace said me. Dark Twin gave Trace a funny look and Trace said "You know me and him aren't seeing each other, right?". Dark Twin said she knew that and proceeded to say she knew I was seeing Boobs McGinty. Trace put her straight on that point, saying Boobs was just a friend like her and that I was single. Dark Twin, apparently, gained a smile on her face after that. Absolutely cool! I'd love to get to know her better. I think she'd keep me on my toes.

Well, that isn't everything that's happened recently, but nothing of any significance apart from that has happened. I keep hoping to update my blog more often, but there's no point if nothing good happens, is there? See you soon.

Review for Batman Begins

On my reviews page you can see my new review of Batman Begins and see just why I think it will go down as one of my favourite films of all time.

A review of Mr & Mrs Smith may appear soon, too.

Have fun!

Kill the DJ ...

Saturday night, Da Boss let me hang around with Harry, learning how to set up The Bar's DJ equipment and I ended up doing the first hour or so of the night, which was fun. I only made one mistake, which was that I was searching for a track, lost it, couldn't find it and all the time the other track was almost finished. It ended up with having a couple of seconds silence until I just put any old track on and set it going, but the silence was notable. For the rest of the hour Harry's girlfriend found out tracks for me to play (she knows his collection almost better than he does). They weren't the kind of songs I'd put on, a bit slow for a busy bar, but they helped me get used to the mixer and CD changers. Da Boss wasn't too chuffed with the music choice, either and told me to get Harry to liven it up more. I told Harry's girlfriend that there was no way she was choosing the music for me again as her choices were crap! LOL Still, I don't think I did badly at all, considering.

On Sunday, after finishing the Third Job, I went to The Bar and did some practicing with my own CD's while nobody was in and I did a really good job. Mic work needs a bit of polish, but I'll do fine, I'm sure. After listening to the DJ's in the On The Fence Club, last night, I don't think I can do much worse! My two nights are this Friday and Saturday and I'm excited but terrified as well. I don't want to cock it up for Da Boss.

I had sex with SmileyGirl again last night and it wasn't too bad. She certainly enjoys having oral sex performed on her, but she's not that amazing when she reciprocated on me. But then, I've only ever had two girls be able to do a decent blow job, anyways, so it's not like she has an uphill struggle to get better. I really need a new fuck buddy who knows what buttons to press for me as casual, but meh! sex is getting a bit boring.

Bloody hell! I can't wait to finish at the Day Job! The place is boring me to tears and I just can't be arsed doing any work at all! Not long now though :-D

New York Memories: Part Two ...

The decision to visit New York, alone, came about soon after the loss of my wife. I had the money and I wanted to do something, relatively, spontanaeous. Coach had been there at new years 1999/2000 and he said it was fantastic, so I thought it would be a perfect plave to go. I set up the flight and the accomodation and waited, excitedly, for the day.

The flight was quite eventful, with a large storm causing some very fun and interesting turbulence that I thoroughly enjoyed, while others sat cowering in their seats. Then, as now, death holds no fear in me, I only fear pain. A pair of Dutch men decided that they were going to attempt to speak to me the entire flight and all I wanted to do was look out of the window and marvel at the lightening flashes in the darkened sky.

The plane touched down in New York, at LaGuardia, I believe and I began my solitary adventure. At first it was quite disappointing. I had seen numerous films and tv series that showed New York to be bustling and with people quick to deliver invective to those they considered worth the insults. The terminal was, however, quite quiet with only a large group of orthodox jewish people milling about waiting for their families and transport. The people that I spoke to were altogether very friendly and helpful, answering my questions happily. This was quite different from what I expected. I finally found out the best way to get to the city, purchased a 14 day subway pass (which would get some serious usage!) and headed off to catch the bus to the nearest subway station.

Again I was disappointed. The only people talking on the bus were English students! Why would I go half-way round the world to listen to the inane, pretentious ramblings of a bunch of pseudo-middle class students?!?! I followed them, though, as they appeared to be going to Manhatten, just as I was. The subway train was surprisingly clean (One of Mayor Jiulianni's major initiatives, I believe) and tidy. It was on time and comfortable. Again, there were very few specifically "New York"-like things happening, I could easily have been on the underground in London, but then ...

But then, a tramp stood up. A black man, slightly emaciated, covered in many layers of mismatching clothes, he stood up in the middle of the carriage and looked at us all, slowly and deliberately. Then he started to preach to us, telling us where we were going wrong and how god could save our eternal souls if only we would embrace him. And then ... And then he began to sing. A booming tenor voice that filled the train and I sat there, wide eyed and with a huge grin on my face.

It had been about two hours since I had stepped off the plane and this was my first initiation into the New York that I love and wish dearly to return to. A tramp on the subway singing "Amazing Grace" with all the heart and passion of an opera singer made me realise. I knew that I had finally arrived.

Welcome to New York. Have a nice day!

New! New! New!

Yes, a new review is up on my reviews page. Sin City. Read about it. Watch it. Be in awe of it!

'Nuff said.

Re: The Silence ...

I haven't been posting lately because I just couldn't be bothered. It's not as if nothing has been happening, all the usual complications and drama have been occuring, I just haven't been able to get the motivation to write anything down.

Quick updates: Trace has had her usual dramatic upheavels. Nothing to report, really, just lots of boring drama. Boobs McGinty and I seem to have fallen into the cuddle-buddies mode at the moment, which is nice as it's quite relaxing knowing that there is someone to cuddle up to while watching movies or TV and not have any of the hassle of actually seeing each other. SmileyGirl and I slept with each other and it was ... okay, nothing special to write home about. I doubt I'll be repeating the experience.

The only other thing to report is that Da Boss has asked me to fill in with the DJ-ing, at The Bar, while Harry Potter is in hospital. This is great news as it will be my first full set without Stallion or Hairy being there to bail me out if things go wrong. It will give me a good idea as to whether I'll be able to hack doing DJ-ing properly. There's also a rumour going round that if I do well, then Harry won't be coming back. I'm not too sure about that. I want to get a decent DJ gig but I don't want to shit on someone else, especially someone I like as a person, to get it. But I want to do well and I think I will (I have been practising and I haven't done too badly at all).

I'll keep trying to put some stuff down, but if it's just the same old, same old then there really seems to be no point. Seems the only time I really get into blogging is when my life is in turmoil! Ho-hum. Anyway, we shall see and don't forget, I keep reading all my favourite blogs, even if I don't comment on them or blog myself.

The seventh level of heaven ...?

I'm more conduscive to the possibility that Trace didn't know BenchGirl was going to be there last week. I've found a few things out, tonight, that make it more believable. First, that Trace isn't too happy about the fact that she and I fell out, mainly due to BenchGirl and my falling out, because it affected our friendship in a bad way. It's not something she was hammering on about, it was something she really said in passing. Apparently, BenchGirl asked Trace if she thought that Trace and I had stopped talking because of her and Trace said, without hesitation that, yes it was. That everything was back to how it had been before her (until I felt trapped last week). Trace thought it was best to leave me alone to work through my feelings about it and I did. I figured that it was best to just brush it under the table and treat Trace as normal, whether she had known or not that she was going to be there. Second, I have found out that BenchGirl was loaned £800 by Trace and she hasn't even begun to think about paying Trace back. I think BenchGirl is going to upset Trace sometime in the future and I think she is going to upset her very badly. BenchGirl is not a nice person, regardless of how she has treated me. I think she has some deep problems with intimacy and it's going to bite her in the ass someday. Oh, and, apparently, she is back with her fiancé (that was the guy she was with last saturday) and that they are setting a date to get married. Good. He is boring and he is inattentive and bad for BenchGirl. I hope she suffers him for a very very long time.

Boobs and SmileyGirl have spent a lot of time with me this week and I'm becoming very protective of Boobs. She is so sweet and innocent and I think this pregnancy is affecting her a lot. The guy that she fell pregnant to is just being very funny (peculiar) towards her, saying that he wants her but not the baby. What the fuck?!?!? How can he possibly think he can have her without his baby? That's a bit fucked up. I don't think I am going to have sex with Boobs, it wouldn't be fair, she's just too fragile at the moment to be used like that. SmileyGirl is nice. Nice and kinky. I think she would be a good fuck buddy, but I doubt we could ever have a relationship of the proper kind. We're both too alike to start off with. We also both like our freedom too much. I went into That's Right tonight and we were both playing around with other people but kept coming back to each other. I think we are both as dirty and slutty as each other. She's a good kisser too.

Thursday night was fun. I joined up with one of the guys who works in Yell and we went to a few bars in The Hometown before going up into Cameo. I started dancing (which I haven't done in a while, since Stallion left to go abroad) and I started dancing with a girl. Eventually the dancing turned into kissing. She used her tongue like an eel! Not a very good kisser, really, but I didn't mind too much. I went to the toilet and when I came back she was waiting at the top of the stairs for me. Hmmm. Thought there was a one night stand in the offing until ... Until, the LesbianGirl, from the other thursday, came along, started kissing the girl I had been kissing and then that was it. I didn't get a look in after that! LOL ... I didn't mind at all, a kiss is better than nothing and if LesbianGirl wanted to cockblock me, I didn't really care. Shit happens ;-P

The DarkTwin was out again tonight, but I didn't follow her into Cameo as I thought it would be best to back off a little, after last week. I still flirted like hell with her, though.

All in all, tonight was a very good night and I was totally on form. It's been a good few weeks for me, what with one night stands, kisses and girls being interested in me. I'm just waiting for the trough to appear (as opposed to the crest of the wave I am on at present). Fun, fun, fun, until I get a dry spell, then I'll be all down and "Why doesn't anybody want me?!?!?" again LOL.

Just some questions ...

I've ripped these questions from Egg-He's blog and I thought I'd answer them seeing as: a. I haven't done a lighthearted post in a while, and b. They're about movies and (like I said in Egg-He's comments), I love movies!

1) Total of film's I own on DVD/video: Well, I've been buying videos and DVD's for as long as I can remember. Had a blip a few years ago when (almost) my entire collection was stolen, but I'm back up to steam now. I have, roughly 350 DVD's and a dwindling collection of about 200 videos. Geek? I think so!

2) The last film I bought: High Fidelity, starring John Cusack, directed by Stephen Frears and adapted from a Nick Hornby novel. A much better film than I thought it would be and I no longer consider John Cusack as an Ed Norton-Lite. He is a really good actor.

3) The last film I watched: At home, The Best Little Whore-House in Texas, a cracking good laugh. Cinema, Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of The Sith. Least said about that, the better.

4) Five film's that mean alot to me: Wow! This is a really difficult one. I'll go with the one's that I enjoy the most, rather than the technically best ones.

1) BladeRunner: Director's cut. I enjoy it so much, but it is one of the greatest movies ever made too.
2) Ferris Beuller's Day Off. Cheezy 80's coming of age comedy, but I just love it to bits.
3) Alien. Another Ridley Scott movie and I just prefer it to Aliens, which 99% of other people prefer.
4) Akira. My favourite animé movie ever, although it has been surpassed by others since.
5) Seven Samurai. Next to the extended editions of LOTR, this is the only 3 hour plus movie I can watch over and over.

Bubbling under are, Fight Club, When Harry Met Sally, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn, Pulp Fiction, Animal House, The Godfather Part II, Raiders Of The Lost Ark and I could go on and on and on and on ...

5) Tag five people people and have them put this in their journal: Well, I'll do what Egg-He did here and just leave it to anybody that reads to do as I don't talk to that many people on the net.

Thanks for listening. Y'all come back now, ya hear!

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith ...

I was going to do a review of Revenge of The Sith after watching it, but I can't. I hated it! With a passion! ... Episode II was better than this. You get used to the clunky dialogue but in this film it was the absolute worst that Lucas has put up on screen. The acting was atrocious throughout, with only a few tiny parts that weren't, mainly from Ewan McGregor and Ian McDiarmid. Those two did actually deliver some of the lines well. The plot, such as it was, was sporadic and meandering. The visuals, while lush in places was cluttered and offended the eyes. The use of CGI was to much. In two scenes there was CGI storm troopers where Temuera Morrison could easily have been used, filming him a number of times and overlaying, but they settled for putting his face on CGI models that weren't even animated very well. I didn't like Episodes I and II at first, but they have started to grow on me, yet neither of those films left such a bad taste in my mouth as this one. The only film I have ever watched and hated more was The Crow: City Of Angels. I sincerely hope that I never have to see this film again. I am even not going to buy it on DVD, even though I hate to have incomplete series; in my collection. To give you an idea, I loved The Matrix, loved Animatrix, was very "meh" about The Matrix: Reloaded and just didn't like The Matrix: Revolutions at all, yet I still bought all the DVD's and have watched them all since. I'm not going to do that with Revenge of The Sith. I'm not giving George Lucas any more of my money after that debacle!

Ummm, I guess that did turn into a review of sorts, after all. On my star system, this film doesn't even get half a star, and I think giving it a quarter of a star is being too kind. I cannot recommend this movie, but I know it will make millions. *sigh*

One door closes ...

Well, Glassy hasn't been in touch since Friday night, when I didn't go into Shark to see her but went into Cameo with Trace instead. I think she thought she would still be seeing me in some capacity. I think it was for the best, really, as she may have been disappointed that I wasn't going to be as "friendly" as I had been towards her. I would/will be still friendly, but not in a kissing kind of way. I just hope she isn't feeling hurt over it all.

I haven't heard from Trace since Sunday morning when we sent a series of texts between each other about Saturday night. I told her I didn't believe her and she tried to tell me that she hadn't spoken to BenchGirl since Friday morning, but I find that very very hard to believe. They are almost attached by a rubber band so why would they not contact each other for two days, even if BenchGirl has moved out into her own (or a new fella's) place? I don't understand what could have motivated the trap, as that is how it felt. I don't know if it was for nasty purposes, to show off BenchGirl moving on to a new guy, or if it was to get me to be friendly to BenchGirl again (to ease their guilt, is how I would see that). Either way it was a fucked up thing as Trace should know I'm still in love with BenchGirl, I'm just really bitter and angry with her and I don't want to be in the same country, let alone the same club, as her!

I went out with Boobs McGinty on Sunday and we had a great time until the end of the night when we had a couple of misunderstandings between us. Firstly, she thought I was ignoring her a lot as there were quite a few people out that I know and I was talking to a lot of people, so she felt left on the sidelines. I got upset as I felt that she was using me to get her ex boyfriend jealous as, whenever he appeared, her mood and attitude changed completely. In my defence, I'm feeling quite untrusting towards people lately and feel paranoid that people are talking to me and being around me for ulterior motives. I did say, that if that was what she wanted (to make him jealous), then she should have told me and I wouldn't have minded so long as I knew that was what she was after. As it is, we just got our wires crossed and we're still friends.

Boobs came up to my house, yesterday with SmileyGirl, the girl who's boobs I have been intimate with, where we all played at going through all the sex/kinkyness quizzes we could find on the net. It was loads of fun and SmileyGirl and I couldn't help feeling awful for Boobs because she is so sweet and innocent! SmileyGirl and I have similar kinky tastes and our scores were always much higher than Boobs'. SmileyGirl and I think Boobs needs to be corrupted a little. They left my house at about nine and then, an hour later, I got a phone call from SmileyGirl asking me to go down to the On The Fence Club, where she works, to help save her from a wierd guy who kept hitting on her. I think this may be the beginning of a new sexual escapade, but this time, I think both parties know that it's not going to be a big thing, just a bit of fun. It will make a nice change from people trying to use me, trap me or get me to be something I'm not. I think SmileyGirl and I are just wanting to throw each other around and get sweaty a lot, but nothing more. Should be fun!

Definately, too nice ...?

Just a short one. Work at The Bar was okay. Trace and I had a laugh just like we used to do. She asked me if I was going to Cameo after work and I thought it would be fine. It's cheaper in Cameo, on saturdays, in comparison to Shark, so I thought I'd go in there instead. I got in to Cameo, met a couple of people I know and was basically starting to have a good time. Then, Trace said she wanted to find a friend of hers, a guy I'll call BigBiGuy. Trace's new boyfriend and I had a short look around and we saw him with two other people sat down in the chill out area. I followed Trace and her boyfriend, said "Hi" to BigBiGuy and then looked at the other two people. It was BenchGirl and a fella. She flashed a smile, put her hand on the guy's arm and said "Hi". My face dropped. I went straight to Trace and told her I was going into the other room, downstairs and when I got there I sent her a text message asking if she knew that BenchGirl was going to be there and that I was leaving and going to Shark after I'd finished that drink.

I went straight to Shark and got a text from Trace saying that she had no idea that BenchGirl was going to be there and that I didn't have to leave, although she understood if I wanted to. I just replied with "I'm already gone".

I don't believe her.

Trace and BenchGirl are best friends. They live together. There's no way that BenchGirl didn't tell Trace that she was going to Cameo. No way at all. They text each other and phone each other about everything when they aren't together, so I don't believe her.

That was just fucking nasty!

I may have been seeing other people. I may have had one or two one night stands, but there's no way in hell that I would parade it in front of BenchGirl.

The worst thing was I could have gone into That's Right, a very small club in The Hometown, and met up with the girl who works in the On The Fence club (the one who's boobs I have sucked on those tuesday nights) and gone home with her. She was texting me to go in That's Right and I was just too pissed off, so I had to turn her down.

It now remains to be seen if Trace gets in touch, cos I don't think I want to talk to her.

She must have known BEnchGirl was going to be there.

Too nice ... *Way* too nice ...

I'm talking to Trace again *sigh* ... One thing about my personality I really detest is the fact that I can't stay angry with people for long. I'm just too laid back. Trace talked to me nicely last night and I couldn't keep being angry, so we're friends again. I don't know if it will ever be the same as it was, but we are talking. It was much easier with BenchGirl being there cos I could be angry at her for longer. She has finished with Shrek and is now going out with another guy. She goes through people quicker than me!

I was hoping the DarkTwin (the girl from the other week who keeps looking at me as if she can't believe that I say and do the stuff I do) was going to be in The Bar last night and she was. I flirted with her something chronic and she was responding. I decided to go to Cameo, seeing as BenchGirl wasn't going to be there and I continued the flirting there, but then my cousin, R Kid, turned up and DarkTwin thought R Kid was with me! Bloody cousins! R Kid is a good looking, over friendly woman and she has put more women off me than I can count on all my digits. I love her to bits, but it is so annoying when she puts girls off me because she is overly touchy feely with me! Now, I'm going to have to wait for DarkTwin to come in again and start from scratch, ffs!

Anyway, I'll be out again tonight and I'll be on the prowl. Even if I am coughing and sneezing like an idiot. Where are those Beecham's Flu Plus tablets when I need em?!?!?